August 2nd--- written 8/2/2008

August 2nd, 1997……..


Does anyone remember what they were doing on this date 26 years ago? I do. It was the day I married my first husband—Robert. I was the ripe old age of 18, only two months out of high school, and was convinced that I was marrying the man that I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. Sure there were some things in my head that I was questioning right up to the minute of the wedding but I pushed back those concerns and put on a big smile. I could make this work. I would make this work. I would finally have the "little" family that I wanted for so long.




After the traditional wedding and reception ritual we said goodbye to our families and left on our way. What should have been the happiest day of my life ended with a fight before we were out of the state of Alabama? Oh well, so much for the fairytale. Was the honeymoon over before it even began? My heart screamed: Take me back to my mama! My head screamed back: What? You did this to get away from there and now you want to go back only one night into it? Oh my. What had I done? I cried the whole time we were on our honeymoon. Why was I crying? I had exactly what I wanted. Was this really IT?




We came home and settled into married life. Not much changed from that wedding night…. We continued down the same path. I began working and boy was I ever in for a shock. This was my first real job ever! I had never had to deal with workplace drama and all the procedure and protocol. Wow, family life is hard!




I remember the day that things started to take a downhill turn for me. My Step-Father Robert died. I was devastated. I became very depressed after that. There were days that I would come home from work and crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head. There were days that I wouldn't even get out of bed. I didn't do anything but sleep. It would have been okay if I had never left that bed.





We made it past our first year mark and things were just okay. We were just getting by. At this point I had taken a job in Troy and was very miserable with that decision. I was also working a part time job. I still remember thinking, is this IT? Is this the "happiness" that I have tried to create for myself?




I became even more depressed after the passing of my grandfather. Married life was not okay anymore. All we did was fight. And all I wanted to do was just melt away. I tried talking to him about things and always heard the same answer. Pretty soon, I just wanted to disappear. I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't be happy about anything. I couldn't fix him. I couldn't fix myself. I couldn't fix my "little family". I felt like such a failure.




One morning I woke up and said to myself, I have to do something. I was supposed to go and stay with my brother while my mom was out of town. So I packed up my bag and left that house in the country not realizing then that I would never go back there in the same way. I don't remember much about how or when exactly I made the decision. But I never went back to that house as his wife.




Looking back over the years, I regret the way I left. At the time, I was just doing what I felt was the only thing I knew to do.





When people find out that I have been married before they always ask the same question: Would you do it all again the same way? My answer is always: Absolutely! I would marry him all over again to get to this point in my life. It was a hard road filled with bad choices and some of them I wish I could change. However, it was just the beginning of so many things for me.




Fast forward 13 years…….. And I still look back on August 2, 1997 with some fondness. I married into a wonderful family who I still consider part of me. I made so many wonderful friends, some of which I still keep in contact with. I learned so many lessons. I lived a lifetime in those 22 months we were married. It helped to shape me into the person I am today. It also set the foundation for the wonderful "little family" I have with the true love of my life.




August 2, 1997: An anniversary that I will never forget and one that I hope I can continue to look back on and see how truly blessed my life has been!