Tuesday, July 4, 2023

Until we meet again Alicia!!!!!!!!!!! Feb 2023

 For my Sister and Best Friend, Alicia.

How can I write something that adequately displays my love for her? I don’t know if that’s possible…. but here we go.
For 39 years Alicia Jolly has been my true friend.
Literally through thick and thin--big girl times and times where we just thought we were big girls. We have seen good times, bad times, happy times, and sad times.
Alicia and I met at the ripe old age of 5 years old in Kindergarten at Ariton School. In high school, we were best friends and frienemies. We loved and hated each other, broke our friendship, and made up more times than I can count.
We shared so many memories. She took me home to meet her Blue eyed grandmother- Annie Lee. I took her home to meet my granny, Gladys.
I took Alicia to my church and Alicia brought me to this very church many years ago. We shared clothes… we shared lots of diets and dreams of I’m going to be skinny one day.
We had lots of high school sleepovers…. but none of those high school memories hold a candle to our GROWN-UP memories.
In November of 2008, I sat in the hospital and listened as the doctors prepared us for life without her. My medical training told me that the doctors were right…..I began to prepare myself for that.
That night as we got to see her, we couldn’t touch her or her bed but I stood as close as I could and I sobbed uncontrollably. I will never forget Mary Jolly’s voice and her unwavering faith – as she said to me “Jennifer, don’t you dare give up on her. God’s got the final say.”
During the months she was fighting for her life, I couldn't wrap my mind around not being able to hear her voice again.
I prayed fervently for my friend, and I asked everyone I knew to pray for her. And let me tell you God came through on his end of the deal! Alicia Jolly was a miracle. Praise God, we didn’t have to give her up all those years ago.
As for hearing her voice...I think that we spent the last 14 years trying to make up for the lost time. When we were together we were only quiet when we slept and even then that was debatable. We have had many visits, road trips, and A LOT of girlish laughter since then.
We shared Pinterest boards and Facebook messages. Who will I send all the crazy things that ONLY she and I found funny? We had a whole Pinterest board of things we knew that only SHE AND I could laugh at.
Who will I call when I need someone to tell me to get myself in gear? Who will I call when I need that friend who sees beyond all your flaws and tells you how great you are? Who will I call when I want to laugh hysterically at something?
Disagreements have come and gone. Football games have come and gone. Presidential candidates have come and will go on. However, through it, all our love and friendship remained. Friends or in this case families like this don't come around very often but when they do, you do everything you can to hold on to them for a lifetime.
I am So thankful for my sister, and my Forever Friend Alicia....
I have felt great sadness since Alicia went to Heaven.
I think about all the things that Alicia wanted to check off her bucket list. And then I selfishly think about everything I WANTED to be there to SEE Alicia do.
However, in true Alicia fashion every time I start to feel TOO sad I feel her bossy spirit speak to me- She says DON’T you dare cry for me… I am HOME.
I know without a doubt that she is sitting at the feet of Jesus. Alicia Jolly is forever happy and healthy. She is gathered with all our family that we miss so dearly. Alicia is right where she deserves to be. In Heaven.
If Alicia could say one thing to us today, I know she would tell us to cheer up, she would make a joke about something that would make us laugh and she would remind us that God has a plan.
Family, You and I just must remain faithful in trusting God’s plan, just as Alicia did. We don’t understand it right now…… but Alicia has seen God follow through on HIS plan for her. My heart is sad that we don’t get to see her earthly body here, However, I feel like Alicia is still very much with us in spirit. If we look closely, we will see her in the little things.
Last night, as we drove, passed the funeral home, I couldn’t help but think of Alicia’s earthly body being there in that building. As I gazed out and looked into the office window,..
The office window that usually has white sheer drapes pulled closed… Last night, I saw a lamp sitting on the office desk. It wasn’t a big light, but I have never noticed the lamp shining in the window any other evening. However, I believe that was my little wink from Alicia.
I know the days to come are going to be difficult for every one of us. We just must remain firm in our FAITH that God’s got the final say.
Don’t you dare give up!!!!!!!!
I LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK ALICIA!!!!
Rest up BMG. See you later.
All reactions:
Scott Little, Roselyn Jenkins and 94 others

Plan, planning, planner,

I became a planner, many many years ago. At the ripe old age of 10 years old, I planned my wedding, my house, my baby shower, and EVERYTHING...... However, I vividly remember planning my house out of the Sears catalog.  I would cut out each little thing I liked and put it on the page for which it would be used.  

I never really knew why I did that or what made me want to even do that.  However, I cut and glued many many items;  furniture, textiles for the rooms, and kitchens, the tools I needed, the pots and pans, etc.  

So when I daydreamed about my adult kitchen..... or bedroom.  I had a visual of what that was.  It was easier to believe it could happen if I had something to visualize.   It was a vision board of sorts.  

fast forward many years later, when I bought my first house I did the same thing except on a different scale.  I had a binder with paint colors, room measurements, and must-haves.  Once I started collecting furniture and items, this made it easier to plan.  

It has been 11 years since I planned to decorate a new house.  Praise Jesus, I am planning decor for a new house for Scott and I.  I am ecstatic for us to have a house together.  I just cannot wait to have a house that we furnish together.  So these days I find myself with a notebook and a pencil drawing out rooms and placing my furniture.  This time I am trying to remember what I have in storage and what I have that is boxed up.  

However, I am super happy to be embarking on this new journey with Scott.  We both need something happy after the past couple of years.   So we are praying that this is our chance at a life created for us by us and BLESSED by God.  

So if you see me in Walmart with my measuring tape, binder, pencils, and calculator, it is just me doing my planning without the Sears catalog.  

If you see Scott in Lowes looking confused, just realize that I sent him a detailed list that makes no sense.  

Anyhow, for now, we are eternally grateful for the wonderful family and friends who have been the catalyst for this move.  Thank you very much.  We need a fresh start.  I cannot wait to start decorating and planning a housewarming party.  :)  For those friends that we won't live next to any longer.  You wonderful people are the salt of the earth and Scott and I will do anything we can for any of you.  Don't worry we arent going very far.  So, we expect you to visit us once we get everything put together.  :) 

Tuesday, July 12, 2022

God Loves the Broken..... (originally posted 4-19-2022 on facebook)

 God Loves the Broken…. 

 

I haven’t blogged in a while…. which happens when I get too busy to process my daily thoughts, much less the meaning of life.  Today I had a life lesson that I felt led to share.   

This morning, I went to the grocery store to get some ground beef for dinner.  I grabbed my buggy and zoomed through the produce section.  There was a produce manager there working who caught my eye.  However, just beyond her was a bucket of beautiful spring flowers.  I immediately thought of several people who could use a cheerful hello.  So, I quickly made a detour around to the flowers near the produce manager. 

I leaned down to look at the flowers and I thought “oh great, I am going to need reading glasses even sooner than I planned”.  With that, I huffed and picked up the flowers to read the price tag correctly.  Sure enough, it said $0.99.  So, I questioned the produce worker.  “Ma’am, is this price correct are these flowers just $0.99?”   She replied, “Yep, Easter is gone, and they need to go too. I am going to throw them out soon.”  I picked up one bundle of flowers, which only had a few wilted petals.  I couldn’t let those flowers go to waste.

I could see the beauty in the flowers and knew that with just a little care…. A snip of the stem, a good soak in water….  The flowers would perk right up.  

Isn’t that just like what happens when God brings us close to him?   We are weary, wilted, and can’t imagine how our life will go on.  One day God gives us a big drink of water and shows us that we are worthy… we are worthy of happiness, love, and life…… 

One of my favorite songs by the group “Sisters” says it best.   We may not understand why things are the way they are right now.  We may not understand why we are going through this valley.  We just must hold on…. To the faith that God has a plan for our life.  We may not see it yet….  But a day will come.  

“I will understand it better by and by somehow…. heartache will not last forever, and yet for now….. His PLAN keeps unfolding and glory lies ahead…. I don’t see it yet….  I don’t see it yet…… But a day will come……. “

So, for now, let’s just keep trying to see the beauty in those “flowers” that just need a little “water” and care.  It could be what helps someone more than you realize.  You never know when someone is going through a dark place.  So, if I can take some wilted flowers to those who have mysteriously shown up at my front door when my heart was at such a low place and changed my day with just a conversation about “nothing.”  I pray that I will always choose to rebuke satan when he tries to tell me that I need to save that money on those flowers.   The time I spent working on those flowers, delivering them, visiting, and then finally watching those flowers on my table come back to life……. I couldn’t have paid for that life lesson if I had tried to.  I can find $0.99 cents in my couch cushions and let me tell you it’s worth it.     

 



Saturday, July 4, 2020

today has been difficult, this week has been difficult, employees are struggling, and most of all I am struggling!!

 This year has been difficult......... 

This week has been difficult...... 

This month has been difficult........ 

People are struggling.  

Employees are struggling.....

I AM STRUGGLING!!!!!!

Today seemed to be a breaking point where I couldn't deal with much more and had to break down and feel everything that had been thrown at me.  I did wait until I got home to vent to my loved ones.  I feel sad that they have to deal with that straight on.  I mean we do have family stuff going on.  

My friends and family don't necessarily understand...... 

I am not really sure why I understand.  


Today was a day in which we had a short lesson on how temporary life really is.  Here one minute and gone the next.  breaks my heart to deal with these issues.  


and still on a very small scale -- I am dealing with not having control of my living space.  which seems so petty comparatively.  I have had control of my living space since I was 19...... that was 31 years ago.  

so I am struggling.  I feel like I should have it all together, but I do not.  


However, I love my work at this office.  I cannot wait until we go forward and great things happen  


Love your family fiercely and never forget to tell them how much.  :) 


Tuesday, December 3, 2019

Who was Carolyn Lee? (Eulogy for my Mawmaw)


Who was Carolyn Lee?
December 16, 1933 to March 21, 2019
*My Eulogy for my grandmother.  Written on the morning of her funeral March 24,2019.*

·        Carolyn Lee was a mother.   She had two children, James Carroll and Joe Frank.  She was so proud of her children.  She never tired of telling stories about them growing up.

·        She was a grandmother.  Mostly known as Mawmaw.  She was known as Mawmaw not only to her biological grandchildren. She had many “kids” she claimed along the way.  She would tell you quickly that Nathan, Ashley, & Kim were her “kids” too.  She always had a story about her “kids”.  She would tell everyone about everything that the “kids” had going on.  She would show off the latest pictures of the houses or the kids or whatever new was happening with them. 



·        She was a great-grandmother.  Her face would light up as she spoke of her babies. 

In the position of Mawmaw she loved anyone who needed it.

·        Carolyn Lee was a wife.  Married to Carroll Lee- our pawpaw- until his death 22 years ago.  She took care of him and never left his side during his sickness.  Mawmaw knew exactly what until death do you part meant.   She fulfilled that for as long as she lived.  Only in the last few years did she say that she just wanted to go and be with Carroll.  We know that she is rejoicing with Pawpaw today.  What a great reunion that had to be. 

·        MawMaw was a great historian/ record keeper.  For years she served as the secretary for Mt. Zion Church.  She made sure the business meeting minutes were written out. 
She was the family historian.  She has a family tree handwritten out that dates back 3-4 generations before her.  And not only is it written out.  She could tell you right down to your third cousin twice removed. 

It never failed that I would ask her about someone in Pike County and she’d reply “Well, you know that’s your fourth cousin.” She would then explain exactly how we were related.  I think we were related to half of Pike County. 

               She had an address book that only she could understand.  She would never forget a birthday.
And if you needed a phone number or address, you’d call her and she would have it. 
She could tell you where everyone in the family lived, where they were born, where they died, how they died and where they were buried.

Her traveling directions rivaled most.  Just as Tori said last night- Mawmaw would tell you to go to Roeton and take a right at Aunt Nettie’s house, then you’d pass a barn with a red Massey Ferguson tractor and then you will take a left at the Old Sanders place and you’ll drive a little piece and it would be just down on the right next to the river.   No possible way that any of us “younguns” as she called us could have found it- but she could have. 

She documented everything.  She had an old Avon date book she would write down everything- births, surgeries, weddings, funerals, job changes, every time someone moved. 

Speaking of a historian- I was going through her Bible the night before she died.  I was just trying to feel closer to her.  She had every sermon scripture marked that Rex Godwin, Jerry Wilkes or Jason Hughes preached.  I could tell that Brother Jerry has a favorite scripture to preach about.  Brother Jerry really likes to preach on John Chapter 3. 

·        Mawmaw was an amazing hostess/cook. 
When you walk into her house, you’d know she had been preparing for you.  The minute the screen door slammed behind you; you could smell something fresh baked.  Even if you stopped by her house unexpectedly, you would find something to eat.  It was usually warm, fresh from the oven, full of pecans, or it was a bowl of chicken and rice.  When you were ready to leave, she would make sure to send you home with 14 bowls of butter dishes/Tupperware filled with homemade goodness. 




Every doctor’s office she was a patient of she would take a delicious baked treat.  Earthquake cake or Georgia Cornbread Cake were her favorites to share. 

Recipes- She loved to share her recipes.  If someone bragged on her cooking, she would always take the time to write the recipe down and give it to them.  I found an envelope in her Bible addressed to Ms. Juanita Wilkes.  It was her recipe for Blueberry Delight.  I wonder how many times people have requested that recipe? 

Most times you could ask her about a dish she made, and she wouldn’t have a recipe.  She would cook with a handful as a measurement and intuition as her guide. 
For years I never understood why Tang always tasted so good at her house.  My mom would make it for me, and it was never the same.  The same goes for those little Piggly wiggly biscuits in the can.  I will never understand how they could taste so good at her house and so bad at mine. 

Breakfast at her house- never failed to be at, what seemed to a sleepy teenager/adult, the crack of dawn.  You’d hear her in the kitchen, pots, and pans rattling, utensils being placed.  And at a certain time in her routine, she would turn on the radio to listen to WTBF and Max Seay. 

One of the last times I remember staying with her.  Her mind had been deteriorating for a couple of years at this point and the night before was particularly difficult.  I think she and I both went to bed dreading the next day and not knowing what it would hold for the both of us. 

The next morning, I woke up to hear the shuffle of mawmaw making coffee and Merle Haggard’s song “Silver Wings” coming from that kitchen radio on WTBF.  It was there in that moment that I knew somewhere deep down she was still in there.  It was a memory that I will treasure forever.  It seemed that everything had changed but at that very moment everything was right with the world. 

I could talk forever about her recipes and all the wonderful things that she cooked and did for others.  Sharing her food was a way of showing her love.  Boy, did she have a heart full of love!

·        She was the definition of 1st Corinthians 13:4-8.  We chose this as the scripture for her memorial folder because we couldn’t find a verse that was more suited for her.  She was patient, kind, she was not envious, or boastful, she wasn’t self-seeking, or easily angered. She always protected, trusted, was hopeful and she always persevered.  Mawmaw was LOVE and her LOVE- NEVER failed. 

In closing, we could all learn a lot from our Mawmaw- Carolyn Lee. 
1.)    Be a good mother, friend, sister, mawmaw, and wife.
2.)    Write down all your family history so that your family can have it to share in the years to come. 
3.)    Share your love with others through your talents and share them freely. 
4.)    Believe in our Lord Jesus Christ so you, just as Mawmaw has, can find victory in Jesus. 









unworthiness....

I started this blog on unworthiness back in 2011.   I found the draft of it today.  Wow, today of all days.  The timing is not lost on me.  There is no coincidence here.  I needed to read this today.  I know that someone else out there also needs to read this today. 


I was watching the last episode of Oprah a few months ago.  Oprah spoke about the lessons that she hoped people learned from watching her shows.  I have to say that some of her final comments that day struck me more than anything I have heard her say over the last 20 years.  I was able to find a transcript of her final show online. 


"Because whether it’s heroin addiction or gambling addiction or shopping addiction or food addiction, work addiction, the root is all the same. There is a common thread that runs through all of our pain and all of our suffering, and that is unworthiness. Not feeling worthy enough to own the life you were created for. Even people who believe they deserve to be happy and have nice things often don’t feel worthy once they have them.

You’re worthy because you are born and because you are here. Your being here, your being alive makes worthiness your birthright. You alone are enough."


So from those words in 2011, if you are reading this and struggling with feeling unworthy.  You are not alone.  Sometimes we tell ourselves that we are not worthy of being loved unconditionally.  Sometimes we sabotage relationships because we feel like its all going to fall apart anyway.  Sometimes we turn to drugs or alcohol because our feelings are too intense to handle.  Sometimes we throw our hands up in the air and quit because there is no way that you are smart enough or capable of handling those tough situations. 

Whatever it is that you are struggling with today.....  in the words of Oprah Winfrey;  " You are worthy.....You alone are enough." 

Thursday, July 4, 2019

It's been awhile.... just a few random thoughts.

 What is Life?

Years ago some friends and neighbors, used to have evening conversations in the culdesac at the end of a long day.  We would all sit around and talk and then suddenly out of the quietness one night I spoke up.  I 

innocently ask, "What is the meaning of life?"   We would have a good laugh but that phrase became a catalyst for some pretty deep conversations later as that friend group began to see a lot of life issues really quickly.  

Well, here I am 10 years later still contemplating the very meaning.  We will understand it all better by and by.  


Love yall.