There are a few things that trigger memories of my Granny Downs like no other. Summer vegetables are one of those things. I remember that summer vegetables meant some very early mornings for us grand kids. If we were not in the field out by my grandparents house. We were in the Tomato patch in Slocomb, AL. For some reason I remember that it was always a little foggy and the dew was falling just before sunrise. I can still see it in my mind. Who knows what time it really was but for us it meant groggy eyes and cat naps whenever we could. Granddaddy would always stop at Hardees and get us a buttered biscuit on the way. He knew we would need some carbs for that labor we were about to do! haha
I can remember that tomato field in my mind so vividly. My granddaddy would park the car at the end of the row and we would pick tomatoes until our 5 gallon buckets were full. Granddaddy would put them in the trunk of the car. I really don't remember how many buckets we picked but it seemed like it was enough for the town of Ozark. Now looking back it was probably only four or five buckets. That drive always seemed like forever going. However, on the way home the drive was a welcomed respite to tired legs and a sweaty brow.
The work didn't stop once we got home. We were always part of the canning and preserving process. I hated every minute of it then. I thought there was nothing worse than having to be in the kitchen with my grandparents during my summer break. Now, I wish I could go back for just one more summer.
I learned so much from those times in that kitchen. Here is just a sample:
- South Alabama summers are HOT and its even hotter when you have a stove going and one window air conditioner.
- Okra is not worth the pain. It is torture to pick and even more torture when you have to cut it up and get all slimy.
- Always listen for the "pop" of the jars that you canned.
- Putting up corn is a very yucky job-- husks, silks, and sometimes you might get a surprise bug or worm when shucking corn. This job is best done in the shade of the Oak tree sitting on the tailgate of a truck.
-Grating corn off the cob is hard work too. Be sure not to slip and get your finger!
- Butter beans are good--- but shelling them makes you NEVER want to waste one bean. I can still feel the pain in the edge of my thumb nail and how my nail would turn green.
- Chicken tastes good-- but I don't want to EVER be part of the butchering process ever again!
- Zucchini's only purpose is to be grated and made into bread. Its a summertime must!
- You can find all kinds of things to do with tomatoes. spaghetti sauce, salsa, crushed tomatoes for cooking, vegetable soup base, sandwiches. Not one 'mater was wasted.
- Little white peas tastes the best when you cook them straight out of the garden.
- watch for snakes in the garden!
- You must not waste one single plant or vegetable.
- a 5 gallon bucket makes a good seat when you are picking peas.
- never wear jelly shoes to the tomato patch. (HA! true story!)
- All summertime vegetables are best when cooked with love......
Tonight I stood in front of my stove as I was canning tomatoes in my kitchen. The smell, the sounds, the whole process brings back so many memories. I had a little break down while I was watching the caner and waiting for it to boil. I was worried that I was going to screw something up. I was worried that I was somehow disappointing my Granny. I wanted so badly to call her. I just wanted her to be proud of me for trying. I hope she is. I hope she was looking down over me tonight and telling Buck that she sure wished she had some of those maters and crackers. ;)
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Small Town.....Big News
Wow, I just realized that it has been almost two years since I sat down to blog or write. I wish I could say that life has just been so good that I have not had time to blog. However, the truth is that over the past two years life has been difficult. Don't get me wrong I still feel as if God has blessed us with more than we deserve and I am so thankful for what we do have.
I want to just get of all this out in the open. I want to address the issue that I sometimes vaguely speak of and ask for prayer for. I would be kidding myself to think that most people do not know what is going on with my brother. Last year (and this year) he got himself into some legal issues. Small town....Big news. He went to jail and made headlines. You really never know how reading about your sibling in the news will make you feel....until it happens to you. Humbling to say the least. I was mad. I was sad. I was furious. I was devastated. My mama is broken. I felt like my family was broken.
I just can not imagine my brother-- the boy in the glasses in our baby pictures. My brother-- who I defended on the school bus. My brother-- who I have always mothered. My brother-- with the huge heart. My brother-- who at 17 years old worked at a funeral home and consoled grieving families. My brother-- who would give his last dime to a friend even in spite of himself. My brother-- who always saw the good in people. My brother-- was in jail....with criminals. My brother-- was a criminal.
It hurts me.
For weeks after he was arrested I would cry about it all. I had a hard time the first time I got to talk to him on the phone. If I think about it too hard right now I get upset thinking about my brother sleeping in a jail cell. It is just not something that you EVER think will happen to you or your family. To this day I have not been able to make myself go to that jail to visit him. I just don't know that I can go without breaking down. I know that sounds selfish but its really just a way to protect my self from dealing with that hurt. I will go one day soon-- I have to.
There have been a lot of insensitive things said about the whole situation. Sadly enough most of the hurtful things come from family. On a positive note, I have had so many people to send me emails, texts, or phone calls just to let me know that they were thinking about our family during this time. It has been difficult. However, being honest about the situation seems to help me. I don't want to hide from it. It has happened and we are dealing with it.
If there is one thing I can say about all of this is that it has changed me. It has changed the way I view my brother, my mother, and my father. It has changed my view of family. It has made me more sympathetic to other families who may have to go through something like this. I watch the news and think about the families of both sides of crimes. Its gut wrenching.
I never really realized how much I really deep down love my brother. He and I used to fight like cats and dogs as kids. And I have on more than one occasion thrown a punch at him. I remember one really big fight we had. I was probably 20 at the time, so he would have been about 16. He bowed up at me and was being disrespectful to me. I popped back off at him and warned him to watch his mouth. He said something else smart back to me. I grabbed him by his shirt collar and pushed him up against the door way. I don't know what I thought I was going to do to him. I just knew that I was very angry, bitter, and resentful. As I grew older I think my resentment of him just deepened. Since all of this has happened. I think I can finally say that I have been able to come to terms with that.
Last weekend I went home and spent some time in my childhood home. Just being there made me feel so many things. I was actually sad because Jonathan was not there. His clothes were there. His shoes were there. Everything was there but yet the house just seemed so empty. It was strange because the one person I have spent my whole life resenting was not there and I was sad. I miss him.
Throughout all of this I have realized how much I love and need my family. Jonathan, Mama & Daddy.
I know this will sound strange but my Dad called me one day out of the blue. He just wanted to talk. I literally hung up the phone and thought oh wow, that was pretty normal. haha To be honest he and I could go 6 months or longer before we would have any contact. Since all of this has happened I probably talk to him once a week at least. I am so grateful for the realization that no matter what has happened in the past. He is my daddy and I need him in my life.
I realize now how much I need my mama too. Over the last few years she and I haven't really been close. I mean I know that she loves me but we haven't had much of a relationship. Its kinda funny that the day my dad called, my mom called right afterwards. I was amazed. They didn't call to talk about anything in particular. It was just nice to hang up and think wow, so that is what that feels like. To be thought of randomly and to have a sense that your parents love you and not just because they have to. (I don't want that statement to sound like my parents were bad parents. That is not it. I just think that as I have grown up maybe I have put a wedge between my relationship with my family. Its safer that way.)
I text Mom the day before I was to arrive at her house. I wasn't brave enough to say it to her face...but I text her. I told her that I needed some time with her. I just needed to be near her and do nothing in particular. Its amazing that I haven't felt like that in a very long time. I NEEDED my Mama. Who would've thought it? I am 34 and for the first time in what seems like forever I told her how I really felt. I told her that I needed her. What a break through! We don't talk about feelings in our family. However, just that small statement made me feel better than I have in a long time.
Jonathan came to visit with me after he got out on bond last year. It was as if I had a new brother. He was all grown up. He helped me cook, he cleaned the floors, kept his room clean. He even did the DISHES! Wow, I couldn't remember the last time I had enjoyed being around Jonathan. I couldn't remember the last time I had taken the time to even get to know him as an adult.
One evening Jonathan and I started watching a season of a TV show on Netflix. We stayed up half the night watching those shows. We laughed together. I remember thinking; Wow, so that's what that feels like. I realized at that moment how much I love him. He has driven me crazy over half my life but I love him. He's my brother.
I realize that Jonathan has made bad decisions in his life. And he is paying the price for those right now in a jail cell in Dale County. However, his status as an inmate doesn't change the fact that he is a goodhearted person. He truly loves people and has a sincere NEED to be loved and accepted for who he is. I heard someone say that Jonathan was a little different. Yes, he surely is. But then again aren't we all? We all have our share of things that make us different. Jonathan doesn't learn like you or I. He had trouble getting through school. He has some emotional issues. Even still, he is a brother, a son, a cousin, a grandchild, a friend....
You will NEVER find me making excuses for the things that Jonathan has done. He broke the law and he will have to pay for that. However, I beg you before you make a judgement call on the whole situation think about how you would feel if this were your brother or son. He made bad choices, it doesn't make him a bad person.
In closing I would like to say how thankful I am that I feel as if good things are going to come from this. I pray that Jonathan leaves that jail a changed man. I pray that this is just the glue that will bring us all together as a family again.
**It is 3:23 AM and I have not really proofread over this too much.. Please excuse any grammatical errors. Its more about the feeling than anything.**
I want to just get of all this out in the open. I want to address the issue that I sometimes vaguely speak of and ask for prayer for. I would be kidding myself to think that most people do not know what is going on with my brother. Last year (and this year) he got himself into some legal issues. Small town....Big news. He went to jail and made headlines. You really never know how reading about your sibling in the news will make you feel....until it happens to you. Humbling to say the least. I was mad. I was sad. I was furious. I was devastated. My mama is broken. I felt like my family was broken.
I just can not imagine my brother-- the boy in the glasses in our baby pictures. My brother-- who I defended on the school bus. My brother-- who I have always mothered. My brother-- with the huge heart. My brother-- who at 17 years old worked at a funeral home and consoled grieving families. My brother-- who would give his last dime to a friend even in spite of himself. My brother-- who always saw the good in people. My brother-- was in jail....with criminals. My brother-- was a criminal.
It hurts me.
For weeks after he was arrested I would cry about it all. I had a hard time the first time I got to talk to him on the phone. If I think about it too hard right now I get upset thinking about my brother sleeping in a jail cell. It is just not something that you EVER think will happen to you or your family. To this day I have not been able to make myself go to that jail to visit him. I just don't know that I can go without breaking down. I know that sounds selfish but its really just a way to protect my self from dealing with that hurt. I will go one day soon-- I have to.
There have been a lot of insensitive things said about the whole situation. Sadly enough most of the hurtful things come from family. On a positive note, I have had so many people to send me emails, texts, or phone calls just to let me know that they were thinking about our family during this time. It has been difficult. However, being honest about the situation seems to help me. I don't want to hide from it. It has happened and we are dealing with it.
If there is one thing I can say about all of this is that it has changed me. It has changed the way I view my brother, my mother, and my father. It has changed my view of family. It has made me more sympathetic to other families who may have to go through something like this. I watch the news and think about the families of both sides of crimes. Its gut wrenching.
I never really realized how much I really deep down love my brother. He and I used to fight like cats and dogs as kids. And I have on more than one occasion thrown a punch at him. I remember one really big fight we had. I was probably 20 at the time, so he would have been about 16. He bowed up at me and was being disrespectful to me. I popped back off at him and warned him to watch his mouth. He said something else smart back to me. I grabbed him by his shirt collar and pushed him up against the door way. I don't know what I thought I was going to do to him. I just knew that I was very angry, bitter, and resentful. As I grew older I think my resentment of him just deepened. Since all of this has happened. I think I can finally say that I have been able to come to terms with that.
Last weekend I went home and spent some time in my childhood home. Just being there made me feel so many things. I was actually sad because Jonathan was not there. His clothes were there. His shoes were there. Everything was there but yet the house just seemed so empty. It was strange because the one person I have spent my whole life resenting was not there and I was sad. I miss him.
Throughout all of this I have realized how much I love and need my family. Jonathan, Mama & Daddy.
I know this will sound strange but my Dad called me one day out of the blue. He just wanted to talk. I literally hung up the phone and thought oh wow, that was pretty normal. haha To be honest he and I could go 6 months or longer before we would have any contact. Since all of this has happened I probably talk to him once a week at least. I am so grateful for the realization that no matter what has happened in the past. He is my daddy and I need him in my life.
I realize now how much I need my mama too. Over the last few years she and I haven't really been close. I mean I know that she loves me but we haven't had much of a relationship. Its kinda funny that the day my dad called, my mom called right afterwards. I was amazed. They didn't call to talk about anything in particular. It was just nice to hang up and think wow, so that is what that feels like. To be thought of randomly and to have a sense that your parents love you and not just because they have to. (I don't want that statement to sound like my parents were bad parents. That is not it. I just think that as I have grown up maybe I have put a wedge between my relationship with my family. Its safer that way.)
I text Mom the day before I was to arrive at her house. I wasn't brave enough to say it to her face...but I text her. I told her that I needed some time with her. I just needed to be near her and do nothing in particular. Its amazing that I haven't felt like that in a very long time. I NEEDED my Mama. Who would've thought it? I am 34 and for the first time in what seems like forever I told her how I really felt. I told her that I needed her. What a break through! We don't talk about feelings in our family. However, just that small statement made me feel better than I have in a long time.
Jonathan came to visit with me after he got out on bond last year. It was as if I had a new brother. He was all grown up. He helped me cook, he cleaned the floors, kept his room clean. He even did the DISHES! Wow, I couldn't remember the last time I had enjoyed being around Jonathan. I couldn't remember the last time I had taken the time to even get to know him as an adult.
One evening Jonathan and I started watching a season of a TV show on Netflix. We stayed up half the night watching those shows. We laughed together. I remember thinking; Wow, so that's what that feels like. I realized at that moment how much I love him. He has driven me crazy over half my life but I love him. He's my brother.
I realize that Jonathan has made bad decisions in his life. And he is paying the price for those right now in a jail cell in Dale County. However, his status as an inmate doesn't change the fact that he is a goodhearted person. He truly loves people and has a sincere NEED to be loved and accepted for who he is. I heard someone say that Jonathan was a little different. Yes, he surely is. But then again aren't we all? We all have our share of things that make us different. Jonathan doesn't learn like you or I. He had trouble getting through school. He has some emotional issues. Even still, he is a brother, a son, a cousin, a grandchild, a friend....
You will NEVER find me making excuses for the things that Jonathan has done. He broke the law and he will have to pay for that. However, I beg you before you make a judgement call on the whole situation think about how you would feel if this were your brother or son. He made bad choices, it doesn't make him a bad person.
In closing I would like to say how thankful I am that I feel as if good things are going to come from this. I pray that Jonathan leaves that jail a changed man. I pray that this is just the glue that will bring us all together as a family again.
**It is 3:23 AM and I have not really proofread over this too much.. Please excuse any grammatical errors. Its more about the feeling than anything.**
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