Just a girl....

 This year has been difficult.........  This week has been difficult......  This month has been difficult........  People are struggling.   Employees are struggling..... I AM STRUGGLING!!!!!! Today seemed to be a breaking point where I couldn't deal with much more and had to break down and feel everything that had been thrown at me.  I did wait until I got home to vent to my loved ones.  I feel sad that they have to deal with that straight on.  I mean we do have family stuff going on.   My friends and family don't necessarily understand......  I am not really sure why I understand.   Today was a day in which we had a short lesson on how temporary life really is.  Here one minute and gone the next.  breaks my heart to deal with these issues.   and still on a very small scale -- I am dealing with not having control of my living space.  which seems so petty comparatively.  I have had control...

Who was Carolyn Lee? December 16, 1933 to March 21, 2019 *My Eulogy for my grandmother.   Written on the morning of her funeral March 24,2019.* ·         Carolyn Lee was a mother.    She had two children, James Carroll and Joe Frank.   She was so proud of her children.   She never tired of telling stories about them growing up. ·         She was a grandmother.   Mostly known as Mawmaw.   She was known as Mawmaw not only to her biological grandchildren. She had many “kids” she claimed along the way.   She would tell you quickly that Nathan, Ashley, & Kim were her “kids” too.   She always had a story about her “kids”.   She would tell everyone about everything that the “kids” had going on.   She would show off the latest pictures of the houses or the kids or whatever new was happening with them.   ·      ...

I started this blog on unworthiness back in 2011.   I found the draft of it today.  Wow, today of all days.  The timing is not lost on me.  There is no coincidence here.  I needed to read this today.  I know that someone else out there also needs to read this today.  I was watching the last episode of Oprah a few months ago.  Oprah spoke about the lessons that she hoped people learned from watching her shows.  I have to say that some of her final comments that day struck me more than anything I have heard her say over the last 20 years.  I was able to find a transcript of her final show online.  "Because whether it’s heroin addiction or gambling addiction or shopping addiction or food addiction, work addiction, the root is all the same. There is a common thread that runs through all of our pain and all of our suffering, and that is unworthiness. Not feeling worthy enough to own the life you were created for. Even people w...

 What is Life? Years ago some friends and neighbors, used to have evening conversations in the culdesac at the end of a long day.  We would all sit around and talk and then suddenly out of the quietness one night I spoke up.  I  innocently ask, "What is the meaning of life?"   We would have a good laugh but that phrase became a catalyst for some pretty deep conversations later as that friend group began to see a lot of life issues really quickly.   Well, here I am 10 years later still contemplating the very meaning.  We will understand it all better by and by.   Love yall. 

Tonight I met Bryan after work for dinner at Baumhower's.  I arrived early and sat down at a table between two older fellas.  One fella on the right and one fella on the left.  For the ease of this post, I will refer to them as Mr. Left and Mr. Right.  Both of the gentlemen were eating dinner alone, each at their respective tables.  The fella on my left was sitting and reading a book on his kindle, all the while having a beer.  He appeared to be in his 70's, fairly healthy and well kept.  I couldn't help but notice, nestled on the seat beside him was a black cap.  The ball cap was embroidered with US NAVY.  The cap had another insignia-- stars and such that I did not know the significance of.  I decided then that I wanted to buy that guys dinner.   The fella on my right was also a fella in his 70's.  He finished his dinner and made his way over to the table of the Navy fella. "Are you a navy guy?" Mr. Left said. Mr. Righ...

I love to write.  I have always used writing as an outlet for my emotions, mostly sad.  Writing saved my life during my childhood.  There is something very cathartic about sitting down and putting pen to paper- um, fingers to keyboard.  Why do I let days, months, or years pass without writing/typing down all these thoughts I have in my head?   I'm vowing to change that.   I'm making a promise to myself to finish this blogs I have started, write some new ones, and publish some old ones.  I enjoy it way too much not to.   To be continued....   J 

I have spent last night and today doing a little research about guns.  Over the last few hours I have been reading about women and guns:  Women who are certified weapons instructors. Women who are competition shooters .  Women who just like to be able to defend themselves.  Women who have differing opinions about guns, defensive stances, calibers, concealed carry, open carry, etc.   First of all I would like to clarify..... I know a small amount about guns.  I know probably the basics.  I am not an expert by any means.  I am always trying to read and educate myself.  When I go to the range I am constantly watching and trying to learn from my husband or the other shooters around me.  I will admit when I don't know.  I will ask questions freely when warranted.    I want to learn from everyone... Male and female.   However, few things tick me off faster than the "little missy" treatment in the gun store.  To follow ...